Can ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ Really Turn ‘Fifty Shades Darker’?

by Azelea Bakrie

Not that I want to go on about the latest trilogy that everyone seems to be raving about, honest! How it managed to slip into a rather innocent phone conversation I had with my friend just a few days ago however, I thought, would be fun to share with you all! (Of course, before I begin, forgive me my dear friend, if you find this reveal rather embarrassing, somewhat ‘not-so-true’ or ‘defaming’, know that they are none of my intentions!)

My friend had just undergone a laser surgery on the eyes to rid his pair of glasses somewhat for good. According to my friend, there were two options – one where you literally cut the layer that is protecting the lens in your eyeball to correct the lens itself, and the other where you use special eyedrops to ‘melt’ away that same protective layer instead. The former is probably more painful at the time but faster to recover from, while the latter is the exact opposite. My friend’s reasoning to opting for the latter was that it was that the method was ‘more suited’ to the conditions or shape of their eyeballs.

So just to keep my friend company, I rang. I typically asked about the surgery – my friend said that the procedure wasn’t painful at all, but it has then been a few hours at least since, and my friend felt like someone was hammering the eyes in.

“I’ve taken one week off work to recover, really. It would be good, some me-time to myself,” my friend said.

“So what, you’re really just going to trap yourself in the house for one week? What are you going to do?”

“Dunno. Catch up on all the things I’ve been wanting to do…”

“Like what, read?” I replied sarcastically.

“Yea I know, as we speak right now I have my eyes closed. Too painful to keep them open at the moment.”

“Well you could always get those audio books, those would suffice in your conditions. I can help you get them now or something.” Before we knew it, we were both laughing. I somehow managed a phrase between the laughter, “Can you get Fifty Shades of Grey, in an audiobook, REALLY?!”

For those of you who are not familiar with the ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ trilogy, it is apparently a set of books that focus on a sado-machocistic relationship between some boss (Mr. Grey?) and employee (Anne?), enjoying torturing each other in bed and keeping it all somewhat in secret. Not that I really know it in detail, or am passionate or curious enough to try and read it, but since it’s the new rave and rarely escapes the press or advertisements from all sorts of comments and promotion, it’s hard not to be in the loop.

“I know the voices in audiobooks tend to be so monotonous or emotionless,” replied my friend, “but how can anyone read that aloud without feeling either embarrassed or turned on?!”

“I don’t really know, but hey, maybe they’d do it like how they do the voices on sat-nav. You know? Just record individual words and kind of piece them all together.” More roars of laughter followed, as we tried mocking some saucy phrases in a rather robotic sat-nav presentation.

“I wonder if it sounds any sexier if it were all read out in French,” my friend went on. I stopped laughing for a while at this point, because this reminded me of the time when I was not even 15 years of age and that film Moulin Rouge was screened in cinemas. Not that I was allowed to watch it, but it’s song, “Lady Marmalade” did not escape the very public airwaves. I kept singing along or out loud at random to the ‘cool’ French bit of the song – ‘voulez vous coucher avec moi, ce soir’. You can imagine my horror when I eventually was told what the phrase meant (would you like to sleep with me?), not knowing that people were actually paying some bit of attention to me for reasons other than being ‘fluent’ in another language.

“Talk about French being the language of love, this is really taking it to a whole new level! Though the books are really, that new, I can’t imagine it even having already given any sort of translation service makeover!” I replied.

“Well, maybe someone can get the transcript done, and I can get innocent people like you who only know what some French phrases mean, to read it aloud for me through the phone or something. After all, you won’t understand it completely but can get the intonation right yet will not be…”

“Oh how dare you!” I protested. All, that said, of course, in good fun

The next half an hour or so of our conversation probably isn’t as interesting, but it did result in me coming over the weekend to cook a rather homemade dinner for four. But for now, and ever since that conversation, I can’t help but ponder at the advertisements, posters and banners that advertise ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ on the windows of almost every bookshop or kinky stores, wondering if I should pick up a copy. I even stare or go end up in a lost gaze when I see someone on the train or bus with a Kindle  or some kind of eBook device (the only ‘saving grace’ for readers with the device is they do not display book covers), wondering if they are lost in the realm of the same sick fantasy. What has kept me off these books so far is that when I do catch someone reading the paperback version, they would be either smiling or biting their lips in a rather odd and suggestive manner, and I’d hate to be caught in public advocating that kind of a look!

So, if you are quite familiar with the ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’, what do you think or make of it?What about ideas of it being made into an audio book or film even? Please do share your thoughts with us – we’d love to hear!

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Posted on July 31, 2012, in About Life, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.

  1. I’ve read enough reviews and snippets from Fifty Shades to make me want to stay as way away as possible from it. I mean, it’s basically a more mature version of Twilight. I don’t like the idea that it’s being turned into a movie, because really then you’re just making people flock to the theatres to watch porn. That’s a whole new low. =[

  2. I agree with you on that! But on the radio (I was tuned in to a talk-show-session) where they were saying that there were plans to turn the trilogy into a film. One of the hot sub-debates was ‘who is going to play the role of Grey’, but I thought that is so NOT the issue – despite not having read the book either, I know enough that it is pure advocacy of legalising pornography! I thought my discussion with my friend was bad enough – having it done in audiobooks!

    Actually, having Twilight, made into films, and categorized in bookstores under ‘young adults’, still has me in a head spin. I only heard and got to read the books because my then 14-year old sibling was into it! Crazy, don’t you think?

  3. I’ve often wondered about ‘Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?’ Surely, if you knew someone well enough to ask them to go to bed with you, you’d have got to the ‘Veux-tu?’ stage?

  4. Probably, who really knows the answers to these things? But here, don’t you question the power of influence through mass media? Playing a song with such ‘crude/odd’ lyrics in another language, which through the ears and mind of a 14 year old figures it is the ‘in’ thing and would repeat without thinking twice what it really meant… and what about making a film out of this ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’? Surely the big issue is not finding the right man to play the role of Grey?

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